A list of flu vaccine refusing dumb asses

Every flu season, I resurrect this hysterical and snarky by Infectious Disease specialist Dr. Mark Crislip which was originally published in A Budget of Dumb Asses, a list of the different types of flu vaccine refusing dumb asses. This list is a tradition that goes back to the early days of this website.

And it’s that time of year to get your flu vaccine, so I resurrect this fine piece of snarkfest.

Yes, complete and utter Dumb Asses. Even though this broadside is about flu vaccine refusing dumb asses, it’s all right to search and replace flu with say meningitis, pertussis, measles or any other vaccine. And just because it’s about healthcare workers, it’s all right to replace that with your neighbor, co-worker, or some other anti-scientific antivaccination Dumb Ass.

The upcoming 2015-2016 flu season is just starting, and many physicians and clinics (along with many pharmacies, government flu clinics, and other places) have this season’s flu vaccine. One of the best ways, if not the only real way, to boost your immune system against the flu is the seasonal flu vaccine.

And it’s time for intelligent, reasonable, and rational people to get their flu shots. We’ve dispensed with many of the myths that are cherished by vaccine refusers, and many reseachers have shown that getting the flu vaccine can improve health outcomes.

Warning: this is funny (unless you’re a vaccine denier, in which case you have no sense of humor, irony or sarcasm, something probably gained by getting vaccinated). So, if you’re reading this list while sipping on coffee, I take no responsibility for damage to your computer, smart phone, or tablet if you snort out your drink. Them’s the rules. 

[infobox icon=”quote-left”]I wonder if you are one of those Dumb Asses who do not get the flu shot each year? Yes. Dumb Ass. Big D, big A. You may be allergic to the vaccine (most are not when tested), you may have had Guillain-Barre, in which case I will cut you some slack. But if you don’t have those conditions and you work in healthcare and you don’t get a vaccine for one of the following reasons, you are a Dumb Ass.[/infobox]

The 14 types of dumbasses

And here are Crislip’s 14 types of anti-flu shot dumb asses. Warning: don’t drink anything while reading this. Seriously, you’ve been warned.

  1. The vaccine gives me the flu. Dumb Ass. It is a killed vaccine. It cannot give you the influenza. It is impossible to get flu from the influenza vaccine.
  2. I never get the flu, so I don’t need the vaccine. Irresponsible Dumb Ass. I have never had a head on collision, but I wear my seat belt. And you probably don’t use a condom either. So far you have been lucky, and you are a potential winner of a Darwin Award, although since you don’t use a condom, you are unfortunately still in the gene pool.
  3. Only old people get the flu. Selfish Dumb Ass. Influenza can infect anyone, and the groups who are more likely to die of influenza are the very young, the pregnant, and the elderly. Often those most at risk for dying from influenza are those least able, due to age or underlying diseases, to respond to the vaccine. You can help prevent your old, sickly Grandmother or your newborn daughter from getting influenza by getting the vaccine, so you do not get flu and pass it one to her. Flu, by the way, is highly contagious, with 20% to 50% of contacts with an index case getting the flu. However, Granny may be sitting on a fortune that will come to you, and killing her off with the flu is a great way to get her out of the way and never be caught. That would make a good episode of CSI.
  4. I can prevent influenza or treat it by taking echinacea, vitamin C, oscillococcinum or Airborne. Gullible Dumb Ass cubed then squared. None of these concoctions has any efficacy what so ever against influenza. And if you think oscillococcinum has any efficacy, I would like you to invest in a perpetual motion machine I have invented. None of the above either prevent or treat influenza. And you can’t “boost” your immune system either. Anyone who suggests otherwise wants you money, not to improve your health.
  5. Flu isn’t all that bad of a disease. Underestimating Dumb Ass. Part of the problem with the term flu is that it is used both as a generic term for damn near any viral illness with a fever and is also used for a severe viral pneumonia. Medical people are just as inaccurate about using the term as the general public. The influenza virus directly and indirectly kills 20,000 people (depending on the circulating strain and year) and leads to the hospitalization of 200,000 in the US each year. Influenza is a nasty lung illness. And what is stomach ‘flu’? No such thing.
  6. I am not at risk for flu. Denying Dumb Ass. If you breathe, you are risk for influenza. Here are the groups of people who should not get the flu vaccine (outside of people with severe adverse reactions to the vaccine): Former President Clinton, who evidently doesn’t inhale. Michele Bachmann. Wait, that’s the HPV vaccine.  And people who want to be safe from zombies. If you don’t get the vaccine you do not have to worry about the zombie apocalypse, because zombies eat brains.
  7. The vaccine is worse than the disease. Dumb Ass AND a wimp. What a combination. Your mother must be proud. Unless you think a sore deltoid for a day is too high a price to pay to prevent two weeks of high fevers, severe muscles aches, and intractable cough.
  8. I had the vaccine last year, so I do not need it this year. Uneducated Dumb Ass. Each year new strains of influenza circulate across the world. Last year’s vaccine at best provides only partial protection. Every year you need a new shot.
  9. The vaccine costs too much. Cheap Dumb Ass. The vaccine costs less than a funeral, less than Tamiflu, and less than a week in the hospital.
  10. I received the vaccine and I got the flu anyway. Inexact Dumb Ass. The vaccine is not perfect and you may have indeed had the flu. More likely you called one of the many respiratory viruses (viri?) people get each year the flu. Remember there are hundreds of potential causes of a respiratory infection circulating, the vaccine only covers influenza, the virus most likely to kill you and yours.
  11. I don’t believe in the flu vaccine. Superstitious, premodern, magical thinking Dumb Ass. What is there to believe in? Belief is what you do when there is no data. Probably don’t believe in gravity or germ theory either. Everyone, I suppose, has to believe in something, and I believe I will have a beer.
  12. I will wait until I have symptoms and stay homeDangerous Dumb Ass. Despite often coming to work ill, especially second year residents, about 1 in 5 cases of influenza are subclinical, hospitalized patients are more susceptible to acquiring influenza from HCW’s than the general population,  and 27% of nosocomial acquired H1N1 died. And you wil never realize that you were the one responsible for killing that patient by passing on the flu.
  13. The flu vaccine is not safe and has not been evaluated for safetyComputer illiterate Dumb Ass. There are 1342 references on the PubMeds on safety of the flu vaccine, and the vaccine causes only short term, mild reactions. All health care requires weighing the risks of an intervention against the benefits. For the flu vaccine all the data suggests huge benefit for negligible risk. And as a HCW, it could be argued that we have a moral responsibility to maximize the safety of our patients.
  14. The government puts tracking nanobots in the vaccine as well as RFID chips as part of the mark of the beast, and the vaccine doesn’t work since it is part of a big government sponsored conspiracy to keep Americans ill, fill hospital beds, line the pockets of big pharma and inject the American sheeple with exotic new infections in an attempt to control population growth and help usher in a New World Order. Well, that excuse is at least reasonable. Paranoid Dumb Ass.

Is this clear?

Sage advice from Dr. Mark Crislip:
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]So get the vaccine. And pass this essay on to someone else. The life you may save may be your own. Or be a Dumb Ass.[/infobox]

The flu vaccine is available now throughout the USA, Canada and other countries in the northern hemisphere. Go get them. They’re not going to hurt you, and they will save lives, maybe your own, maybe your child’s, maybe your parents.

Go. Now. You’ve read this, and now you know people who don’t get flu shots are Dumb Asses, so says one of the top infectious disease specialists on the planet. Go get your flu shot. You’re still here? I’m sure your insurance will cover it, so no more delays. GO.



The Original Skeptical Raptor
Chief Executive Officer at SkepticalRaptor

Lifetime lover of science, especially biomedical research. Spent years in academics, business development, research, and traveling the world shilling for Big Pharma. I love sports, mostly college basketball and football, hockey, and baseball. I enjoy great food and intelligent conversation. And a delicious morning coffee!

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  • Robert Foster

    Hey, Raptor! Been a while since I’ve commented. A reason for the list (which is the one that applies to me): forgetfulness + procrastination. I’ll be getting mine either tomorrow, or Tuesday. All depends on if Wal-Mart takes my insurance.

  • I have a serious question. And I’m hoping for an honest answer.

    Can one of the anti-vaxxers please explain to me how you can’t trust ‘Big Pharma’ with ANYTHING, ‘Big Pharma’ always lies to us, and ‘Big Pharma’ is just out to get us.

    And yet, the inserts that are written by the same ‘Big Pharma’ are undeniable 100% truth. Um, aren’t they written by the evil ‘Big Pharma’? Why do you trust them to write an insert properly, then wont trust them with what they just wrote down? How are they lying and telling the truth all at the same time.

    • It’s irony. They don’t understand irony. Too many syllables, I think.

  • Kameron Krause

    Somebody owes me 5 mins of my time back. I just read the most ridiculous cow dung ever. Keep getting he flu shot lemmings.Never had one never will. Im perfectly healthy. And yes you can keep your immune system up. HMMM lets see. Do you think a person in a third world country starving has the same immune function as a person in lets say the US that has better nutrition, clean water and sanitation. No . Why because they don’t have the proper water and nutrients to keep the body running the way it should. Your body needs certain vitamins and minerals to run right. Therefore if you have better nutrition IE vitamins and minerals my guess would be if you and the run down person come into contact with the virus they would have a better chance of getting it. Or we would all get it. So what a phenomenally stupid statement that was for starters. And I don’t have time to go through the other stupid 13 statements. What a moron. Anyone read the manufacturers package insert? Might want to

    • Let’s see. Mark Crislip is a world-renowned infectious disease specialist, and you’re an ignorant dumbass.

      He wins.

      And you obviously flunked immunology 101. I didn’t. Nor did Dr. Crislip.

      • Kameron Krause

        Well when the name calling starts that always shows how classy you lemmings are. And how much you’ve been dumbed down by all the vaccines. Keep taking your shots. And have all the chronic illnesses and being sickly. My God created me with a body that’s got a great immune system if properly treated without chemicals and toxins. . Like the stuff in vaccines? Do you even know how vaccines are made Einstein. Or what’s in them? I bet no to both of those questions. And that’s adverse reactions are hardly rare. All I know is I’m 46 perfectly healthy practice holistic medicine for the passed 5 years and eat organic and I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I was sick. On no medications and never have been. My 76 years old healthy and functioning driving and working father as well. You know our secret? Don’t go to medical doctors and don’t take any shots. Theyre poison. You can have ours and the side effects we are giving ours to you. Have a good time with them. And we will stay over here away from your shedding rear end and stay healthy. Ta ta you super smart guy. Oh gee hopefully I can grow up and be as smart as you one day you’re my hero. Lol

        • Robert Foster

          Name calling has nothing to do with class, dumbass. Raptor is just sick of repeating himself.

          My God created me with a body that’s got a great immune system if properly treated without chemicals and toxins. . (sic)

          I did not, dolt. Don’t bring my title into anything. Especially when you get shit wrong. I made your body out of chemicals. I made the whole fucking world out of chemicals.

          Do you even know how vaccines are made Einstein. Or what’s in them?

          Considering he’s a retired medical researcher, he knows both. And, since you slept through English class (punctuation matters, sweetheart), I’m certain you did the same with science class.

          And that’s adverse reactions are hardly rare. (sic)

          Say what now? I’m god, and I can’t even understand this gibberish.

          All I know is I’m 46 perfectly healthy practice holistic medicine for the passed 5 years and eat organic and I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I was sick. (sic)

          Yep. proved me right about science class. And, it’s no wonder you can’t tell us the last time you were sick, you’re too stupid to know it.

          On no medications and never have been. (sic)

          Wait a second: I thought you monkeys swore that marijuana cures everything? That would make it a medicine (if it really did). You were high when you typed that nonsense up, weren’t you?

          Oh gee hopefully I can grow up and be as smart as you one day

          That is a vain hope. It’ll never happen. Shame though. I had such high hopes for you when you were in that incubator.

        • Michael McCarthy

          “Well when the name calling starts”
          Stick to house cleaning. Let’s revisit a little something from your original post:

          “What a moron”

        • cecilia

          my 94 year old mother just got her flu shot yesterday and is healthier than you are


          • Kameron Krause

            And she raised such a class act lol. Keep taking the shots . Good for you lol. Great parenting .

            • cecilia

              don’t like your name?
              stop acting like an uneducated asshole

            • Kameron Krause

              Obviously you can’t read because that’s not my name sweetie. Just because I disagree with you doesn’t make me uneducated. I own my business. You have no idea what you’re talking about. And I’ve researched this issue for over 2 years. And I used to believe the lie too. But doing my own reaearch I’ve since come to a different conclusion. Do you know how they are made? What’s in them. The real history of vaccines. Read hundreds of papers from doctors about them? I have . Have you ever known a person that’s been vaccine injured ? I have. So no I’m not uneducated? Quite the opposite. And no medicine is safe for everyone. Even to say that it is is insane. There iTs no one size fits all medication. And most medicine is BS anyways. Taking chemicals in the form of pharmaceutical drugs does not equal health. That’s ridiculous.

            • cecilia

              you aren’t disagreeing with me (and i wouldn’t care anyway). you are ignoring FACTS and evidence. That’s why you are uneducated and idiotic.

              There’s DECADES of clear irrefutable evidence on the effectiveness of vaccines.
              Your “research” is irrelevant because it’s based on garbage found on the internet, not on decades of work in a lab by trained and educated scientists.

              You don’t understand vaccines or science – like most wackos you spout the usual crap.

              I love how you bring out the boogie monster: THE VACCINE INJURED

              Just in time for Halloween. Is that your costume?

              Don’t forget to wear a sign that points out this is so rare it’s only one in a million.

              On the other hand a better costume would be a smallpox victim – people by the thousands died from that delightful disease. Better yet, go as a brainless zombie. You won’t have to add much.

  • ladycum

    What a complete pile of astroturfing horseshit. Do you write this yourself?

    • Sandy Perlmutter

      This classic was written by a very fine doctor who is a specialist in Infectious Disease. Dr Mark Crislip has written a lot of wry and sometimes funny stuff, directed at doctors, mainly. You can read his writing, but I think you have to enroll in Medscape (it doesn’t cost anything). http://boards.medscape.com/.29f3af03/

      Here is how the article starts this year:

      <> and so forth.
      Then, after the list, here is some more info:

      There are tons of useful articles about medical subjects on that site.

      • ladycum

        Writes for Medscape! And actually volunteers for a flu jab – what a jackass!

        • And whose education far exceeded yours when you stopped at third grade.

          • Robert Foster

            Too much credit, Raptor. I’m sure she dropped out of Kindergarten when she got knocked up at 33 by the teacher.

          • Zogby

            FYI, @ladycum:disqus aka Diddly Doo is Philip Hills, Hope Osteopathic Clinic, Essex.

            ht Boris Ogon

            “Why did you change your screen name, diddly doo doo? That was the previous one? …” — Boris Ogon http://disq.us/8owdx8

    • Thank you Ms. Atkisson.

      Apparently, you can’t read. It was written by Mark Crislip. He’s a world class infectious disease specialist who is hysterically funny. Oh well.

      • ladycum

        Oh him, he would love the idea that the world was running around thinking that the only thing to save us was one of his dodgy injections. I mean, we are in the modern world, not some middle ages voodoo cult where the only thing that can save us is the ‘special magik’ from Lord Crisp. Bush was a world class president – and what an ass he was. Do you get off worshiping these people or is it just a fantasy?

        • Chi

          As opposed to what exactly? The ‘special magik’ (sic) of essential oils and other ineffective home remedies peddled by snake oil salesmen trying to make a quick buck off the gullible?

          You’re right, this is the modern world. And we have SCIENCE that tells us vaccines are safe and effective. If you don’t believe in science, you may as well run off and join that voodoo cult you were talking about. Live in caves with no wi-fi too and hunt your own food just as nature intended.

          Let us know how that works out for you.

  • Daniel Pyron

    An annual treat to read

    • ladycum

      What in general – or are you actually saying you spend a whole year waiting to read this utter crap! Are you serious

      • Sandy Perlmutter

        Hey, female sperm, what exactly are you trying to contribute to this blog, or anything? Go masturbate somewhere else.

        • He/she/it trolls sciencebasedmedicine.org too. I believe that Mark Crislip is a frequent contributor there. Or at least used to be.

          • Sandy Perlmutter

            Mark Crislip is listed under both editors and contributors. It’s hard to tell when his articles appear, though. I had to go to Google to get their list. https://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/author/mark-crislip/

            Just by the way, I went to see my 96-year-old mother, and while I was at it I asked her caretaker if she had had her flu shot. No, [list of Dumb Ass excuses here]. I didn’t want to get into a fight with her, as she is a Believer in many ways, from one of those islands. I did give her one of my many lectures on the immune system, and why I got my flu shot so as not to expose my mother, should I happen to get the flu. (Not to mention it is not great to get the flu even if you are only 74.)

            Mark Crislip is my candidate for sainthood. Here is one of his writings on generalized woo:

          • Zogby

            FYI, @ladycum:disqus aka Diddly Doo is Philip Hills, Hope Osteopathic Clinic, Essex.

            ht Boris Ogon

            “Why did you change your screen name, diddly doo doo? That was the previous one? …” — Boris Ogon http://disq.us/8owdx8

    • I actually can’t wait for flu vaccine time just to republish it. Yes, I have a reminder in my calendar. LOL. I’m weird.

      • Jon kimble

        Just to let you know, you aren’t just weird, but incredibly creepy and not worth anyone’s time.

      • Kameron Krause

        Wow you’re life must be more then boring if a big event is flu vaccine time. Lol. Take a few extra. The way you write I can tell you’ve had quite a few.