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Home » An open letter to antivaccine conspiracy nuts

An open letter to antivaccine conspiracy nuts

Last updated on September 14th, 2020 at 12:04 pm

bsDear Anti-vaccination Cretins,

I know that your narcissism prevents you from actually participating on most online forums with highly educated scientists, because you couldn’t handle the ongoing mockery and our laughing at your special form of ignorance. But I know you read this shit, so here goes. And remember, I write at an advanced level, and I’m going to use proper terminology for pharmaceutical regulatory issues, so please keep up you dumbasses. 

If you actually have evidence that any of us are shills for any Pharmaceutical Company, please, call the FDA, because paying someone to “shill” for a pharmaceutical company would be a criminal act on the part of the company. Why? Most of the comments made by we individuals on the internet about the superior safety and superior efficacy of vaccines are unregulated and are not within proper pharmaceutical labeling. Someone working for Big pharma could never use the terms “superior” and being paid to say it would be unethical, immoral and illegal. Let me be honest, those cheapskates at Big Pharma couldn’t pay me enough money to be unethical and immoral, let alone risk going to prison for them. Hellllll no.

We can say things like “the package insert is irrelevant.” It is irrelevant, but an advocate for a pharmaceutical would would never say anything like that. Because it would be illegal according to the FDA, unless you’re making an unsolicited and unpaid comment. You see if you connect the dots, the dots go missing when you fucking have no evidence of dots. Idiots.

I worked for some of the largest pharmaceutical and medical products companies in the world. JNJ. SmithKline. Pharmacia. Becton Dickinson. Mallinckrodt. And a couple of small startups that took years off of my life. I moved up through the corporate world of Big Pharma through R&D, product development, sales, marketing, and executive management. I was Director and VP of marketing, and frankly, I never once hired a “shill” to speak for the company, because it would have been illegal, unethical and irresponsible. And it was the same with every other company out there.

Did we hire physicians? Sure. But you have your head up your ass if you think that top level research physicians are going to sell out for any amount of money. In general, the only time we worked closely with physicians was when they presented data from clinical trials at meetings, and they answered questions honestly. We never once censored their language, although we always had a head’s up if it was negative. Why? Because negative results get reported to the FDA, you dumbass anti-vaxxers. Hiding negative results is a felony, you ignorant fools.

The only reason you think any pro-vaxxer or physician is shilling for Big Pharma is because you’ve been watching way too many bad movies. You see, even if I handed a surgeon or top research physician $10,000 for a speaking engagement, that same surgeon, cardiologist, whatever makes $1.5 million a year just in his practice. So, do you really think that a top surgeon is going to sully their reputation and ego by being in bed with Big Pharma? You’re fucking nuts if you believed that. 

You know what almost all the physicians I hired asked me to do with the honoraria? They asked that we contribute them to charities of their choice. Since I spent most of my life in the cardiovascular products industry, I was personally responsible for giving numerous grants to the American Heart Association. 

And If you think that I had millions of dollars in budget to spend on physicians, you once again prove your woeful lack of knowledge of business finance. My marketing budget for a $250 million product line rarely exceeded 1-2%, and that paid for everything from salaries to travel to brochures to whatever. My $2-5 million budget had no room to pay millions to shills. I would have been fired first for illegal behavior and second for overspending my budget. There isn’t a secret slush fund, but you fucking lying anti-vaxxers prove that there is one. Just prove it. Follow the fucking money, and show us that it exists. Oh wait, you’re not smart enough to read financial statements. This is difficult.

As for paying for shills on the internet? That’s delusional at the level of being psychotic. Because if there were such payments, the so-called shills (I guess that includes me) and the Big Pharma employees who paid for it, would be facing felony charges with concomitant prison time if it were true.

So, please, if you really have evidence that any of us are shills, go for it. Call the FDA. They have the authority to arrest individuals in the pharmaceutical industry, so please please please, go for it. Rat me out if you think I’m getting paid, because I actually can show where every dime of my income is sourced to them. They’d probably buy me a drink and we’d talk about how tin-foil hats are in vogue for the anti-vaxxers.

By the way you antivaccination dumbfucks. I was and am still being paid by Big Pharma. But what I do is highly technical market analysis, something way above your low IQ’s (I know you all are obsessed with IQ, I am not). I’ll tell you how much they pay me. Let’s just say I make more in an hour of consulting than most of you make in a week of lying to yourselves. And not one penny of that goes to what I do on the internet. I do that for free, because I spent many years studying science, and I’m giving back my scientific knowledge with this blog. It’s fun. It makes me laugh when I find another piece of evidence that shows vaccine denialists are full of shit. I derive great pleasure from writing here.

But I fucking don’t like you child abusing vaccine refusers, yes, I said it. You are child abusers for not protecting your precious children from infectious diseases. So read that carefully, you are no different than pedophiles, deranged sociopaths, and others who harm children for your own pleasure. I derive great satisfaction in pointing out both your stupidity and your overall hate for children.

Plus, many years ago Andrew Fucking Wakefield caused me to have an argument with my ex-wife about vaccinating our children, so it’s fucking personal. But my daughters all got vaccinated. They’ve grown up to be beautiful, intelligent, wonderful teenage girls. They will be doctors. Or scientists. And beautiful young women who will become mothers themselves. 

So stop with the fucking Big Pharma Shill bullshit. Either show some balls and bring evidence, or go fuck yourselves. Seriously, just fuck yourselves, and don’t bring children into this world that you will abuse with your hateful, unscientific, bullshit.

Again. Bring fucking evidence for a criminal conspiracy. Because if you’ve got it, I’ll shut the fuck up. Because most of the people in Big Pharma, myself included when I was there, liked following laws. And ethics. And morals. Something that was true of almost everyone I knew in the pharmaceutical industry.

I’ll tell you what you dumbfuck conspiracy theorists. Almost every one of us in Big Pharma woke up every morning in the belief that we were going to help humanity. And it inspired us. And it made us work harder. Something you wouldn’t understand because you’re an intellectually lazy and corrupt group. Not a single one of you would have the brainpower, drive, and scientific expertise to even get a fucking janitor’s job at most of these companies. We loved what we did, because we were working our asses off to make the world a better place through better healthcare solutions, whatever that may be. My devices that I brought to the market through Big Pharma saved thousands of lives. I can prove it. And I’m fucking proud of what I’ve done for human life.

And then there are the doctors who you call shills. Dr. Paul Offit, who invented a vaccine that has saved hundreds of thousands, if not millions of lives, and billions of dollars of hospital care, is crucified by vaccine deniers. Well, fuck you all. We should build a statue of Offit (along with Jonas Salk and Edward Jenner), and make every one of you genuflect at it every morning, because every child in this planet has a better chance of living another day. We haven’t given enough money to Offit to pay for what he has done for humanity.

I know you vaccine deniers are all envious that we’ve done so much for so little to help the world be a better place for children, but do you have to be so fucking hateful of our intelligence, our hard work, and our love of fellow man, that you abuse your children? It makes no sense.

But you know what. You’re too fucking stupid to understand anything I wrote. I thought the evolution deniers were stupid, but they’re just deluded by believing in gods and shit like that. You’re just stupid. Fuck you all. 

So in summary. You vaccine deniers bring evidence, and I mean real evidence to the FDA that Big Pharma is paying for all of us to “shill” for them. Bring it. Or shut the fuck up, because it means you are oblivious, vacuous little shitheads. The things is, I know you have no evidence, or you’d call the FDA. Case closed.



Michael Simpson

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