You’d think I would be kidding, but I am not. But I am not the delusional one. Yes, there is an effort to try to get the world’s greatest scientific fraud to become Nobel laureate Andrew Wakefield.
I know. I have to give all of you a few minutes to vomit or go scream at the wall. Please, take your time. I’m here for you.
Before you get too upset, this is just a change.org petition. Change.org is probably the least one can do to effect change in the world. Many of us think it’s the center of the slacktivist universe.
What’s a slacktivist? Well, it’s those individuals who think they’re making change by literally sitting on their butts and sharing a meme on Facebook.
What I’m saying, in so many words, is that there is more of a chance that sasquatch exists than the Nobel Foundation even considering Wakefield for any award. Then again, Donald Trump won the Republican nomination for US President, so who knows? Maybe the Nobel Foundation will drink too much aquavit and wake up the next morning with a hangover – Wakefield is announced as the winner by some clerk.
Nobel laureate Andrew Wakefield – derp
The petition is long and boring. And it’s filled with more fantasy than the latest Harry Potter novel. I want to take a brief look, because this is supposed to be funny. This petition will just make my reader throw their laptop at the wall. I can’t be responsible for that.
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]Dr Andrew Wakefield MBBS, F.RCS, F.RCPath. Nobel Peace Prize Nomination[/infobox]
Mr. Wakefield is no doctor. He has been stricken off the list of physicians in the UK which is tantamount to having his license to practice medicine revoked. Moreover, the acronym FRCS, or fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons, is probably false. Because he is no longer a physician, he can no longer be found in the Royal College of Surgeons.
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]Physician, Surgeon, Researcher and Author (lead or subsequent) of vast peer reviewed papers.[/infobox]
Let’s not forget that Wakefield’s article, that made him a hero to the antivaccine crowd, in the Lancet was disowned by his coauthors and eventually retracted by the journal.
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]The Legend of Dr Andrew Wakefield needs no explanation and people have their own opinions one way or another, however some facts have rarely been given the prominence they deserve and this petition seeks to do so as contributory reasons to grant the wishes of the proposer. [/infobox]
The Legend of Dr Andrew Wakefield? Not to quote the Princess Bride in two consecutive articles, but “I do not think it means what you think it means.” About the only place Andrew Wakefield is a legend is in his own mind.
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]Dr Wakefield was the lead author of the most cited, most famous paper on Autism in history, the 1998 study which sparked the global questioning of the safety of some vaccines for some children.[/infobox]
Did I mention that this was retracted by the journal. Oh yeah. I did. And one more thing – real science repeated by more real science has provided overwhelming evidence that vaccines have nothing to do with autism.
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]A terrible historical injustice was done to Dr Andrew Wakefield and he became a casualty of war.[/infobox]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m sorry, but I am familiar with casualties of war, and Wakefield isn’t. But he has really big mansion in Texas paid for by the fools who think he’s a “legend.”
[Skipping a bunch of nonsense that anyone with two neurons could refute]
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]The High Court Exonerated Professor Walker-Smith.[/infobox]
Yes, but what does have to do with Wakefield? That answer would be nothing.
[Skipping more nonsense, misinformation, outright lies, and justifications.]
[infobox icon=”quote-left”]In conclusion Dr Andrew Wakefield has an outstanding character, education and background that make him a pioneer and leader of mankind. He has the spirit of a warrior wrapped in the caring heart of a doctor, when the word is used to describe those whom embody the very best of all that patient care implies and assumes.
The Nobel Prize is reserved for individuals who show outstanding perseverance commitment, bravery and dedication to serve humanity against all odds and personal costs.
I hereby call upon the Nobel Foundation Stockholm Sweden to award the Nobel Peace Prize to Doctor Andrew Wakefield in gratitude and recognition for the example he has set as a physician and all he has done and endured for the sake of his patients worldwide.
Please sign and share this petition
If you want to know about Wakefield’s character, think of one thing – measles vaccinations have dropped causing an increase in measles infections. Wakefield’s fraud has lead to lower vaccination uptake, while the incidence of measles has skyrocketed. In 2014, there were 644 measles cases in 27 states. If you want to credit Wakefield with anything, it’s that he’s lied to people worldwide and caused harm and suffering to so many children.
All because of a false premise that vaccines cause autism. And we know they don’t.
But if we’re going to be delusional…
Academy Award for Best Documentary – Vaxxed. Because a good
fraudumentary documentary, brought to you by Wakefield to justify his existence uncover a conspiracy, deserves to win.
Presidential Medal of Freedom – He caused the income of hospitals to skyrocket because kids are contracting measles, a
dangerous minor disease. This is powerful and deserves to be recognized.
NAACP Image Award for Documentary – Andrew Wakefield, and his
co-conspirator co-producer co-investigator random hack, Brian Hooker, uncovered the CDC whistleblower scandal. Apparently, Wakefield and Hooker reworked the statistics and showed that black children are at no higher risk of autism because of the MMR vaccine using amateur and misleading statistics. This is groundbreaking work, since African Americans are at no higher risk of autism no longer have to pay for the vaccine, because it’s so dangerous.
Order of the British Empire – Wakefield is British. And according to the Nobel Prize petition, he has bravely pushed
junk medicine in the face of published scientific evidence lies foisted on the world by Big Pharma.
The Elie Wiesel Foundation Humanitarian Award – This will be given in recognition of Wakefield’s tireless
self-promotion and lies efforts that have lead to great harm of children in fighting for the lives of children.
I can’t do this any more. I have to shower. Then get vaccinated against the Wakefield derp.
As Bugs Bunny said, “Wakefield. What a maroon.”
If I ever see “Nobel laureate Andrew Wakefield,” it’s probably in the same world that has “President Donald Trump.” I’m counting on the Nobel Foundation to be a lot more sane than American voters. Please.