On a beautiful March morning in Southern California, the ancient feathered dinosaur got their COVID-19 vaccination. Although it was difficult to go incognito to the vaccination center, this old raptor sat down in a tiny chair to get the Moderna mRNA COVID-19 vaccine.
Then it happened – I got the worst possible adverse effect to the COVID-19 vaccination, I entered the Bill Gates 5G nanobot Matrix. And I’m scared.
The COVID-19 vaccination matrix
Soon after I go the Moderna jab, I started hearing Bill Gates’s voice in my head. He told me that I had to connect to a 5G network so that I could upgrade to the new version, 10.47 revision 2. Then, Bill Gates’s voice read the End User Agreement (EUA) – section 532, paragraph 17c(2) said I had to visit a certain physician in Quebec to finish the upgrade.
I told him that I was already a reptilian, so why on earth do I have to go through this trouble. Gates told me I was the wrong type of reptilian – can you believe that? I was in the wrong conspiracy.
After listening to the EUA and finally downloading the new software, and following three restarts, I was fully connected to the 5G network. Apparently, fainting during the restarts is typical, so please don’t think I died if you see the video.
Then things got weird. My face started doing all kinds of strange things, but Gates told me that it was just some bad code. He would get his engineers on it quickly, but it would require downloading a patch to the facial recognition feature plus reading a new EUA.
No wonder this vaccine blocks the SARS-CoV-2 virus – it gets bored waiting.
Of course, since the vaccine contains dangerous mRNA fragments, Gates warned me that now it would change my DNA so I could full-fledged reptilian. He told me that Andrew Wakefield and Del Bigtree were warning everyone about the DNA-changing nanobots, so the Big Pharma intelligence department of the Reptilian Overlords would be dealing with them soon.
Gates also warned me to not have unprotected sex after the COVID-19 vaccination, because I might pass along the 5G mRNA nanobots to my partner. He said that could get me thrown out of the matrix.
More adverse events
Bill Gates then told me that I might experience other things as the 5G nanobots from the COVID-19 vaccination changed more of my DNA:
- I might become infertile. Oh no, how will I bring more reptilians to the world?
- The nanobots will get into the brain, and it will show me that homeopathy actually works.
- The COVID-19 vaccination will change our genes to make us even more powerful.
- The vaccine might cause cancer. Gates apologized for this one and told me that Orac was possibly right about this one.
Well, the old Skeptical Raptor is now protected against COVID-19 after getting the vaccination. But Bill Gates talking to me through the 5G network nanobots is starting to get annoying. He told me that I have to use Bing. And that he has a sale on brown Zunes.
I hate to go against the Supreme Council of the Reptilian Overlords, but I think I prefer Google and my iPhone.